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Such freedom in having zero views. If there was just one view, I would not know what to do with it. Who would it be? Someone who looked me up because of a job thing? An ex? Someone who was trying to look up the Lucas/Peyton ship from One Tree Hill?? Ooooh! So exciting.


Unfortunately any mysteries in my life right now would make me incredibly anxious. It's been precarious-- as a friend recently put it in an email "You seem wobbly"


One of the things that I struggle with are unwanted thoughts, which I entertain fully. So basically, I think of the worst case scenario in my head and put myself through feeling the feelings of it, even though it never happened.


I put egg salad and cherry tomatoes in a food processor today and it was gross. Got tired and didn't make anything else to eat. I'm having trouble finding the correct keys to hit to type the words that I want to write. Soon, I will eat a fish sandwich made by someone in a restaurant. I wanted crab cake, they didn't have it.

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Today was my grandma's ninetieth birthday. We had a lunch for her. I sat next to a woman who described people who had died as people who had "moved up." My grandma stood up to make a speech, which struck me as out of character. She spoke very quietly. She was wearing a dress that her mom made her sixty years ago. It fit her well, and was perfectly preserved. In her speech she said that today was about her mom. She mentioned that a building near her was on fire the day she was born. She was born at home. Her seven year old brother was killed soon after her birth.


The speech was gentle, genuine, and slightly morbid and perfectly contained. I'm proud of her. It's a lovely feeling, being surprised by a ninety-year-old.


More than one person told me that they did not like my tattoos. Their candor was hilarious.

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